Apparel

What Would People From Other Planets Wear?

Dec 07 2016

Have you ever gazed up at the night sky and wondered whether or not there was life on other planets, and if so, what sort of custom, Rival Screen printed apparel residents of that planet would wear? I would assume not, but we here figured it would be a fun way to show you all the different ways Rival Screen Printing can be designed to suit your needs. So without further ado, may we present the Solar System of Rival Apparel.

Mercury: As most of you should probably know by now, Mercury is the closest planet to the Sun. Given that position, temperatures on the side of this planet facing the sun can reach as high as 800 degrees Fahrenheit. A Rival screen printer would be foolish not to suggest a custom printed tank for such an atmosphere, perhaps with a graphic reading “The Sun Is My Right Hand Man” or some other sort of goofy slogan. We all know inhabitants of such a hostile atmosphere could use a joke every now and again. (Side note: Mercury is also the smallest planet in our solar system, so perhaps a custom onesie would not be out of the question either.)

Venus: Even though Venus is the second planet from the Sun, temperatures here are actually hotter than on Mercury due to a thick, heat trapping atmosphere. As a result, air temperature on Venus reaches around 863 degrees Fahrenheit across the entire span of the planet, making it the Greenhouse of the Milky Way. Come to think of it, that doesn't sound like a bad phrase to print onto a pair of shorts, seeing as residents of this planet probably wouldn't be comfortable wearing much else.

Earth: Unless some other type of intergalactic life with which I am not familiar has access to what we know as the internet, I would assume most of you reading this are residents of the third planet from the sun, Earth. Depending on your location, temperatures on Earth have an extremely wide range. In fact, conditions on this planet can range from a bitter -129 degrees Fahrenheit all the way to a sweltering 159 degrees Fahrenheit. As our customers are already aware, there is no end to the amount of apparel Rival can provide for those looking to step out on our home planet, from heavy duty hooded sweatshirts all the way to t-shirts and tanks. For those whose proclivities skew towards the “less is more” philosophy when it comes to clothing (no judgments here), Rival can also accommodate you with some custom printed socks to provide cover for your feet.

Mars: Mars, the fourth planet from the Sun and next in line after Earth, has so far only played host to NASA robots and space probes. That being the case, if life is ever discovered on the red planet we here at Rival are more than ready to satisfy all of its customized apparel needs. Considering Mars's red soil, perhaps something along the lines of “We're Not in Oklahoma Anymore.”, or “Don't Tread on Red”, the latter being a good fit if residents of this planet are none too keen on mixing with the other forms of life in the galaxy.

Jupiter: Jupiter, in addition to being the fifth planet from the Sun, has the distinction of being both the largest planet in the galaxy and the one with the most moons orbiting it (at least 66, with more being discovered all the time). Temperatures start to get a bit chilly from here on outward, as Jupiter's average temperature is around -163 degrees Fahrenheit. One would be foolish not to wear a hoodie AND heavy coat given this temperature, perhaps with a graphic reading “Bigger Is Better”. If words aren't your thing, a design depicting Jupiter filled with tiny Earths would also be appropriate (it would take over 1,300 Earths to fill Jupiter).

Saturn: Saturn, the sixth planet, is second to Jupiter in terms of size, but is distinguished by its many beautiful rings. These rings are made up of ice, water, and assorted rock material that orbit the planet. Galileo was the first person on Earth to ever see Saturn's rings with his telescope, making his portrait the perfect graphic to place on a custom printed item of clothing (I will admit this is a slightly Earth-centric idea, no offense to residents of other planets who may have seen Saturn's rings first. We certainly wouldn't be opposed to placing the likeness of whichever of your citizens was truly the first to make this discovery). For you Beyonce fans out there, “If you liked it then you shoulda' put a ring on it” seems like an obvious pairing with this planet.

Uranus: All of you jokesters out there are probably quite familiar with this planet's name, and as such, designs on your Uranus apparel will probably veer more towards the obscene and comedic variety. Not that we are opposed to such things, but I'm sure an actual resident of Uranus would be less than thrilled with what the name of their planet brings to mind here on Earth. For Uranus residents looking to give their planet a better name by appealing to the more sophisticated ladies and gentleman among us, might we suggest an image of the Greek god of the sky, Ouranos, from which this planet's name is derived. Uranus is actually the only planet whose name comes from a Greek god instead of a Roman one, a distinction much more desirable than being associated with a certain part of the human anatomy.

Neptune: Neptune is the farthest planet away from the sun, and was also the first to be discovered based on mathematical predictions rather than by empirical observation. As such, your favorite equation from physics or astronomy class seems like the perfect fit for Neptune-themed shirts and other apparel. This planet also has very active weather and gives birth to many storms, one of which had recorded wind speeds of 1,300 mph. Given this information, meteorology buffs could have a field day coming up with designs for custom apparel for Neptunites.

You will notice Pluto is not included on this list. I used to side with those who still liked to afford it planetary status, but am also a big fan of astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson (who was one of the first notable space enthusiasts to not recognize Pluto as a planet) and am in no position to disagree with a person whose intelligence I admire so greatly. If you should like to launch your own campaign to help Pluto regain the status it once held as the ninth planet in our solar system, Rival would be more than happy to help with custom t-shirts to raise awareness of your cause.

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